Broken soldier
by Jossasund
Summary: Emma chose to follow her dream to become a solder, but it made her whole world crumble to dust.


**This is a sad one shot, and possible trigger warnings are needed. And if you like it don't forget to leave a comment :)**

It was simply just one of those nights, when Emma couldn't sleep. She had taken her sleeping pills as instructed but like so many times before, she had only gotten a couple of hours of sleep, before she had been woken up by her own screams.

Emma's life had turned into a downward spiral since she'd been discharged from her military service and it had resulted in her pulling away from her family, and isolating herself in an old cabin out in the middle of nowhere.

Her only company was her German shepherd Fiona.

******

Emma had always dreamed of becoming a soldier, even when she'd been a little girl.

So while the other girls had played princesses and mommies, she had played soldier with the boys.

And her dad, David, who had been a general, had always been Emma's biggest idol.

It hadn't been a big surprise to either of her parents when Emma had accomplished her dream and joined the forces when she became an adult.

And she had done extremely good and had been a successful soldier from day one, climbing in the ranks quicker than anybody had ever done before.

Emma had been a force to be reckoned with and when she had gotten the chance to go overseas to fight for her country, she had said yes without hesitation.

But after that…

Everything had just gone wrong.

********

The blonde shook her head at her thoughts and reached for a cigarette and as she lit it, her dog looked at her, almost sceptical.

"Don't give me that look Fiona, I've told you a thousand times, you're not old enough to smoke," Emma said as she let out a small chuckle and scratched the German Shepherd behind her ear.

If it hadn't been for her dog, Emma knew she wouldn't be alive today. Fiona was the last and only thing she had left from a time in her life when she'd been…

Happy.

Because before Emma had left for war, she had been a social butterfly and she had been surrounded by people all the time. She had also been engaged to a beautiful woman, named Regina.

Regina had been her complete opposite but God, how much she'd loved her. And they had been planning on starting a family together but to Emma, work always came first. It was small things like that, that slowly made the foundation they had built together, start to crack.

*******

 _"I can't say no go this opportunity Gina, you know that!" Emma said as they were preparing dinner. Or more like Regina was cooking dinner and Emma sat by the table with her dog and drank beer._

 _"I know Emma, but you don't have to do this. You have me now! And what about what I want?" Regina sighed as she turned around and leaned against the kitchen counter, as the tears stung in her eyes._

 _"Hey Gina, don't be sad. This is my dream.. " the blonde said as she walked up to her girlfriend and laid her hands on her shoulders._

 _The brunette pushed her off of her though and Emma's dog started to bark, but quickly stopped when the blonde snapped her fingers._

 _"You know what, fuck your dream! How about my dream? Or our dreams? All our plans of starting a family?"_

 _Emma dragged her fingers through her hair and tugged on her lower lip. She knew she was being selfish right now, but she had never thought she would find a woman like Regina._

 _She had just gotten the opportunity of a lifetime however, and she felt torn between the two loves in her life._

 _"So.. What do you want me to do?" she frowned._

 _"I want you to stay here! With me! Emma please," Regina was almost crying by now._

 _"But I can't! And you know that!"_

 _"Well… " Regina snapped. "If that's the way you want it, than take your stupid dog and your ring and get the hell out of my house!"_

 _The brunette threw the wedding ring on the floor and Emma felt cornered, and that was a feeling that she absolutely hated._

 _"Then so be it! I'll take Fiona and leave!" Emma snapped and pushed Regina up against the counter._

 _"Because I won't let some bitch like you control my life!?" Emma added and promptly left the house._

 _Never to return._

*****

Regina had been absolutely devastated after that night, and thought about it from time to time, but she had finally moved on. It had been years now since it all had happened.

She was happily married to Robin and together they had two children, Lily and Abigail, and Regina loved her family deeply.

But some part of her still loved Emma, even if she hadn't seen much of her since she had come back from the war.

Regina had never even heard what had happened to her, and she wasn't one to snoop. Even if Regina still talked with Emma's parents frequently.

The subject of Emma never came up, and she didn't push. Even if a part of her always wondered.

And probably always would.

*****

Emma put out her cigarette and walked outside to the porch to let Fiona out. She stood and leaned against the doorway as she let her mind wonder.

Usually it made her suffer from panic attacks because she always remembered all those terrible things she had seen and endured in the war. But not this time.

This time she thought about someone whom she lost, that still was alive.

Regina.

It made Emma sigh and she felt her heart ache out of sorrow. She wasn't supposed to live her life like this, and she suddenly missed the life she had lived before… all of this.

She knew it would probably be for the best if she weren't be alive. So many people had died under her command out there on the battlefield, people who had left families behind. Emma had been the one who had deserved to die.

Not them.

So when the night turned to day, she jumped into her old truck and drove out to her parents house.

She told them a white lie about needing to go away for a couple of days and that she needed someone to watch Fiona.

It had made her parents suspicious because Emma always took the dog with her. But they had agreed and when Emma had left, and seen Fiona in the rear view mirror, she had sobbed quietly to herself.

******

That night Emma sat on the bed, her hands filled with all the pills she had in her home. Her mind was racing and her PTSD was fucking with her head.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts and gripped the necklace she had around her neck, where both her and Regina's wedding rings hung.

Tears started to roll down her cheeks as she took the pills and downed them with the vodka and laid down on the bed, feeling how everything slowly became blurry.

And the last thing Emma saw in her mind before she took her last breath, was Regina. And she died with the nagging feeling of regret.

She had been a soldier, a soldier that had messed up her most important assignment ever.

 _Her own life.._


End file.
